Grover Phone Home

Went to check on Grover (the lizard) a few nights ago and found him stuck to the cage door, not responding to movement. So, I wheeled his cage out of the garage and into the cold night, eventually transporting him into the warm house. Must have been quite a shock to his system because he started twitching, fell on his back (which is something lizards, like cats, just don't do) and looked like he was starting to "phone home."
[Remember that scene from ET when all the guys in the white suits are checking him out and his skin is grayish, and he looks incredibly dehydrated? That was Grover]

Thoughts like, I can't believe I killed my lizard and where the hell do you bury a 4 ft iguana? raced through my head. We threw a towel over his cage so that he could die in peace and so that I could stop the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. A few moments passed without a sound so I peeked behind the towel and watched the last breath go out of him- black spots began to form on his grayed skin. I almost gave up on him, but then I remembered the mister- Grover loves to be misted. Maybe it would bring him back. I misted harder than I've ever misted before, each pump of the miniature spray bottle was like a gust of life blown into his face. I imagined having to give mouth to nose (without getting salmonilla) or CPR (where is that tiny Grinch heart?) Finally, Grover came back. Slowly, groggily, he awakened. I wondered where he had been. So, asked.

ME: So, you were out for about 3 minutes, where did you go?
GROVER: I was lounging in the tropics, where do you think I was?
ME: Well, I was just wondering what it was like to go to the "other side." What did you see?
GROVER: There was a dark tunnel, and then I saw this bright light. I was running, but I couldn't get to the bright light fast enough because I was in slow motion.
ME: So, the dark tunnel was purgatory and the bright light was heaven?
GROVER: I was kind of thinking the dark tunnel was this freezing cold cage and the bright light was the sun.
ME: So, then what happened?
GROVER: Just when I began to pick up speed, I felt cold rain and something grabbing my tail, pulling me back away from the warmth.
ME: and then?
GROVER: Then I woke up to your big head peering in at me and knew I was back in hell or purgatory, as you call it.
ME: It could be worse
GROVER: Yeah? How?
ME: You could be out in the cold garage.
GROVER: Just do me a favor and keep me in the house in the winter, huh?
ME: From now on, I will- you have my word.
GROVER: If you don't, I might have to phone home again.

There you have it- once again Groverino narrowly escaped death. My seven year old lizard seems destined to survive in a climate that clearly was not intended to be his home. His idea of heaven is not unlike my own- escaping the dank, dark cold to live in the warmth of the big bright orb in the sky. We'll both get there, eventually....